Put yourself first!

she asks me why cant i let it go and forget the past and be happy for others but she dosent realize i sleep alone i walk alone i think alone i exist alone and the only think that's following me and will always stay with me is my own shadow so i cant afford to hurt the only things that keeps me company. you walk around talking to people you open your hearts and arm to everyone you have people who will listen to your troubles but im not you. im still learning to love myself and to be kind to myself and there is no one that i completely trust or say it all... the thought of confrontations or telling someone about my problems sickens me to the stomach so much so i rather keep it in. im not you i need myself to function and to stop myself from jumping out the window. every time someone hurts me i build a layer of wall and pieces of heart has been taken away but you see that's just me. so im sorry if im so selfish i cant act to be happy just so that there is perfect picture for others to see... i have to live with myself so if im hurting on the inside then im gonna get up and go so i don't lie on the bed without nightmares and not being able to sleep.