My Future

University

This is the most important thing that I want for myself because this will change my life and it’s my only ticket to the life that I want for me and my family. I was supposed to be in uni last September but I didn’t get the grades that I needed and was doing a course that I couldn’t get into dentistry with so this is the year that I get into uni. This is really important for me and I always feel like im not good enough for anyone and I want to prove to myself and everyone what I am capable of. To get into I need to get AAA as well a good UKAT score. I will be applying to uni in a week time and I am extremely nervous about it. The first step is to learn for the UKAT test and get a score that’s more than average points. Then its in terms of going to the interviews as well as having a good luck then ofcourse the biggest thing it depends on is that to get the grades and I need to work every single day for a year and im doing this alone so I am really nervous about it and I really need to achieve this because it has the potential to change my life for better and this is all I ever wanted. I have been dreaming about going to kings college London to do dentistry, and I really want this more than anything so I guess the only way to do this is to just work my ass off.

Weight loss

I have been struggling with my weight for few years now and over the years it has really taken over my life and I hate that it’s always in my mind. Life is so short and I want to live it to the max and be happy and healthy. The good thing is I lose weight easily when I attend gym but the bad thing is Im kind of lazy and never seem to be able to attend continuously. So if you guys read my previous blog you know that im starting a ‘100days of weight loss challenge’. Currently I weigh around 75Kg and I want to lose around 20Kg. In the uk size im 14 and want to get down to a size 8.  As for my eating habit I do eat a quite a balanced diet so I guess I’ll just have to maintain that.

Find myself

Both things that I mentioned before are part of me that haven’t been able to fill out and people always say things like diploma doesn’t define the person that you are or anything but you know what I want it define me; yes I want to be defined by a masters in dentistry, I mean wouldn’t you?. I want to you know find myself and I want to find peace within myself and I have heard that meditation and yoga really help people.

Letting things go

The problem with me is that I find it so hard to let go of things and I hold on to the feelings of being hurt and every time I do that I build a wall against the world and it has never done any good. There are things in the past that has happened that really hurt me and has made me insecure and sometimes when things happen I feel like it’s a repeat of my past and the person is doing something that has been done to me before. I haven’t been able to let go family death and the past and how some things have turned out. I just want to slowly let all these feelings go and finally be free.

Feel content with myself

I really hate going to see any family members or family events because I feel like I’m not good enough and I feel like everyone is judging me and see me as a failure. Because of this I avoid any type of gatherings and it really frustrates me. I hate meeting anyone because I feel like I’m too fat, too ugly, too lazy and just overall not good enough. I’m not someone who used to feel like this and it’s just hard because my life has gone downhill and I want to take control and fix it. I want to be able to walk in anywhere and feel like you know what I am good enough and feel like I have everything. 

Make my mum proud

My mum has done so much for me and things that I could never repay her in anyway. But deep down all she wants is for me to be successful and that’s more than anything I could do for her. I have seen her when I made her proud and I want to see it in her eyes once again and be proud of me.

You guys these are the things that are very close to me and I want to share it with you guys and maybe even inspire to make changes and realize what you need to do but as far as I’m concerned these are the things that I want. I love you all and i wish you luck.