MY FIRST LOVE

In the past I always made myself fall out of love and I don’t know why but I could never picture the person  I like with me, and deep down in my heart I know it wouldn't work out. But with you it’s so different I won’t give up and I don’t want to give up even if you are 1000’s of miles away and I want to give all my love to you. I always thought love was never meant for me as I can’t seem to be in love with anyone for more than few days. Every time I talk myself out of your love I remember how you make me feel and I stop myself.

The things you do they excite me not just physically but mentally- the way you admit how close you are to your mother and not even have to pretend to be cool. Boy the way you check me out and pretend it didn’t happen and just look away!  And the way you asked me how my week was or that day when you told me not to let something take me down! Those things mean so much to me than you’ll ever know.

Your love changes me in ways that I don’t even understand I mean im sat at a bus stop having to wait an hour for a bus and being completely ok with it and smiling like an idiot and yet I am very ok with that. I am truly astonished by the way you are completely yourself and so comfortable around me , how do you even do that? Its like we been together for days, weeks, months..  when you are this comfortable around me and yet im still having to remember myself to breath and tell myself to stop grinning like an idiot.

You do everything right and yet you never do the things that I want you to.. every time you leave I want you to pull me in closer to you and tell me how much you will miss me and tell me you are falling in love with me. But you don’t do those things but still walk me to the bus stop..

You tell me you’re not interested in just having a gf and you won’t get one when you away and I hope to god that you stay by those words and not forget me and fall for me like I have fallen for you.

I never wanted someone else to be the reason for my happiness but just like everything else it hits you when you don't expect it and you find yourself in a position that you never wanted to be in.. That's exactly what happened to me!

Unlike the 100 times before i wasn't looking to fall in love or went into a situation expecting to fall in love but then it happened and you didn't make it hard for me either! In fact its never been that easy.

I want to say i wish i hadn't met you, i wish it was someone else who was at the door or wish for you to be arrogant or have a characteristic that i wouldn’t have fallen for but deep down i would fall for you all over again in a heart beat.