All your imperfections.

how many times have you questioned yourself? your self worth? your insanity? your actions and the thinks you have done wrong? all the mistakes you did

have you ever thought all your imperfections are the result of the things that pactople done to you and they are the signs of all little thinks someone stole from you.

you are not perfect but your imperfections dosent mean you are unworthy and you shouldnt question your sanity. there is nothing wrong with you and no it was not your choice to be this way ...
you might not be the bright light that attracts everyone .. you hurt easilyl.. its hard for you to trust anyone ,eaning you can never fully love someone without having doubts and the doubt is always within yourself and the question is are you capable of loving someone

you question the future and ask yourself is all the happiness that you seek is in the future or

Do it for you!

Ø  Do it for the people that keeps letting you down.

Ø  Do it for the people that abused you.

Ø  Do it so you don't have to rely on anyone.

Ø  Do it so you have enough money to keep instead of happiness.

Ø  Do it so you can just get up and leave without having to answer to anyone.

Ø  Do it so one day you don't let someone suffer like you are.

Ø  Do it so you don't sit in a house and think death would be better than to stay there.

Ø  Do it for the days when a single word from him would make your whole week and you wait hours that never come.

Ø  Do it for the day when he sees you and falls for you and the day when you have the power to refuse him.

Ø  Do it for the people who tell you they love you but doesn’t do anything to prove it.

Ø  Do it for the fire inside you that wants to throw all this away and start fresh.

Ø  Do it so you can get away from all the fake people.

Ø  Do it for the day when you have enough that you only need real people in your life.

Ø   Do it so you don't have to explain any of your behavior to anyone.

Ø  Do it so you can live by your own rules.

Ø  Do it for the life you want.

Ø  Do it for the people that never understood you.

Ø  Do it for the words that hurt you in the past.

Ø  Do it so the little piece of heaven you created at your own room becomes a whole house.

Put yourself first!

she asks me why cant i let it go and forget the past and be happy for others but she dosent realize i sleep alone i walk alone i think alone i exist alone and the only think that's following me and will always stay with me is my own shadow so i cant afford to hurt the only things that keeps me company. you walk around talking to people you open your hearts and arm to everyone you have people who will listen to your troubles but im not you. im still learning to love myself and to be kind to myself and there is no one that i completely trust or say it all... the thought of confrontations or telling someone about my problems sickens me to the stomach so much so i rather keep it in. im not you i need myself to function and to stop myself from jumping out the window. every time someone hurts me i build a layer of wall and pieces of heart has been taken away but you see that's just me. so im sorry if im so selfish i cant act to be happy just so that there is perfect picture for others to see... i have to live with myself so if im hurting on the inside then im gonna get up and go so i don't lie on the bed without nightmares and not being able to sleep.

3 steps to fall out of love-

1. You have to remind yourself if you can fall into love you can also fall out of love, so don't think this pain will last forever, trust me it goes away.

2. When you like or love someone its like you are wearing a rose tinted glasses which makes them look perfect, like they could never do anything wrong and you think he is so different to every guy who you known before but guess what he's not perfect no one is! And maybe he has a different personality to other guys that you known but he's still just another boy and not a god sent that you can't live without.

3.This is for the one side lovers (my favourite) as hard and as cliché as it sounds realize He's just not that in to you'. We never want to see the reality and seem desperate so we tell ourselves you know what he/she likes me too but he's just confused like me but face the reality we all have one side crushes/love on other people and its perfectly okay because when you fall for someone you see something in them that intrigues you and you want to get to know the person in a deeper level but its not fair for you to think that person has to feel the same way about you because that's not how people work and beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you can't force someone to love you and you cant help loving someone but you cant be in a one sided relationship so you just have to let go and keep looking.

The day will come..

The day will come when I find my purpose in life, the day when I wake up in the morning a know exactly what Im doing on the day, the day when I tell mu mum she no longer has to work because I will be able to provide for her, the day when I no longer feel beneath everyone, the day when I'm  happy just for being me, the day when i no longer have to say when or if, the day when I can look myself in the mirror and see all the things I have overcome the success that I achieved and not see all the failures, the day when my mum sees me with those eyes that are over flowing with proudness, the day i feel worth being alive, that day hasn't arrived but if you work hard enough today that day will get closer and closer than you imagine. I want you to give 100% everyday and i promise you will achieve all the greatness in the world.

Face the reality..

Its funny when I write things because they are what I want things to be like and what I fantasize about but I'm not a fool and I do know the reality of the situation but I sometimes I choose to ignore it because well life is anything but a fantasy and its rough and if your imagination can bring you happiness then so be it.

I know that the distance isn't what's keeping us apart and I know that you could be living right next to me and we still wouldn't be together. The distance is really nothing especially at this time when we have so much acces to the internet, skype. Email and everything.

I also know that if you said the words I would've willingly waited for you to come back and even given myself to you like I have never before.

I also know that as much of a great guy you are its not 100% you moving that hurt my heart but its more so of the past repeating itself. I try to be all strong on the outside and everything but the reality is I been hurt too many times and have so many issues with myself. I have this fear of being left behind and people not wanting me in their lives because that's what I have experienced in the past and I still haven't gotten over it because it still happens so when you gave me a hint of happiness and then left me I saw it as the past repeating itself.

I know 😞 me and you will never happen and as much as it hurts me on the inside I need to realize I'm not what you're looking for and you're not what I need.

MY FIRST LOVE

In the past I always made myself fall out of love and I don’t know why but I could never picture the person  I like with me, and deep down in my heart I know it wouldn't work out. But with you it’s so different I won’t give up and I don’t want to give up even if you are 1000’s of miles away and I want to give all my love to you. I always thought love was never meant for me as I can’t seem to be in love with anyone for more than few days. Every time I talk myself out of your love I remember how you make me feel and I stop myself.

The things you do they excite me not just physically but mentally- the way you admit how close you are to your mother and not even have to pretend to be cool. Boy the way you check me out and pretend it didn’t happen and just look away!  And the way you asked me how my week was or that day when you told me not to let something take me down! Those things mean so much to me than you’ll ever know.

Your love changes me in ways that I don’t even understand I mean im sat at a bus stop having to wait an hour for a bus and being completely ok with it and smiling like an idiot and yet I am very ok with that. I am truly astonished by the way you are completely yourself and so comfortable around me , how do you even do that? Its like we been together for days, weeks, months..  when you are this comfortable around me and yet im still having to remember myself to breath and tell myself to stop grinning like an idiot.

You do everything right and yet you never do the things that I want you to.. every time you leave I want you to pull me in closer to you and tell me how much you will miss me and tell me you are falling in love with me. But you don’t do those things but still walk me to the bus stop..

You tell me you’re not interested in just having a gf and you won’t get one when you away and I hope to god that you stay by those words and not forget me and fall for me like I have fallen for you.

I never wanted someone else to be the reason for my happiness but just like everything else it hits you when you don't expect it and you find yourself in a position that you never wanted to be in.. That's exactly what happened to me!

Unlike the 100 times before i wasn't looking to fall in love or went into a situation expecting to fall in love but then it happened and you didn't make it hard for me either! In fact its never been that easy.

I want to say i wish i hadn't met you, i wish it was someone else who was at the door or wish for you to be arrogant or have a characteristic that i wouldn’t have fallen for but deep down i would fall for you all over again in a heart beat.    

Be appreciative of today..

s“Normal day let me be aware of the treasure you are, Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.”

Broken hearted girl...

I thought you could be the sun shine after the storm i thought you could be my guide when my life falls apart and i go through tough time. I was praying that we might end up together and saw you as an an angel.

IM the one who lost her heart but you had no intention of giving me yours and now my wish to end up with you is like asking to see the stars with the sun.

How can i be so blinded by someone you were ready to leave and start something new and only needed something that i was offering. You didn't want me but what i was giving you. I saw you as the star that would lead me through the dark times. I cant believe how i meant nothing to you.   you made me so happy for weeks but just like everything else i learned that it was just a temporary feeling. You thought I was funny and you were comfortable around me you told me about you and a bit of an inside in to your family you told me not to let things get me down you didn't mind when our hands would touch or when our knees would hit each other but you did all those things but you didn't want me.

My Future

University

This is the most important thing that I want for myself because this will change my life and it’s my only ticket to the life that I want for me and my family. I was supposed to be in uni last September but I didn’t get the grades that I needed and was doing a course that I couldn’t get into dentistry with so this is the year that I get into uni. This is really important for me and I always feel like im not good enough for anyone and I want to prove to myself and everyone what I am capable of. To get into I need to get AAA as well a good UKAT score. I will be applying to uni in a week time and I am extremely nervous about it. The first step is to learn for the UKAT test and get a score that’s more than average points. Then its in terms of going to the interviews as well as having a good luck then ofcourse the biggest thing it depends on is that to get the grades and I need to work every single day for a year and im doing this alone so I am really nervous about it and I really need to achieve this because it has the potential to change my life for better and this is all I ever wanted. I have been dreaming about going to kings college London to do dentistry, and I really want this more than anything so I guess the only way to do this is to just work my ass off.

Weight loss

I have been struggling with my weight for few years now and over the years it has really taken over my life and I hate that it’s always in my mind. Life is so short and I want to live it to the max and be happy and healthy. The good thing is I lose weight easily when I attend gym but the bad thing is Im kind of lazy and never seem to be able to attend continuously. So if you guys read my previous blog you know that im starting a ‘100days of weight loss challenge’. Currently I weigh around 75Kg and I want to lose around 20Kg. In the uk size im 14 and want to get down to a size 8.  As for my eating habit I do eat a quite a balanced diet so I guess I’ll just have to maintain that.

Find myself

Both things that I mentioned before are part of me that haven’t been able to fill out and people always say things like diploma doesn’t define the person that you are or anything but you know what I want it define me; yes I want to be defined by a masters in dentistry, I mean wouldn’t you?. I want to you know find myself and I want to find peace within myself and I have heard that meditation and yoga really help people.

Letting things go

The problem with me is that I find it so hard to let go of things and I hold on to the feelings of being hurt and every time I do that I build a wall against the world and it has never done any good. There are things in the past that has happened that really hurt me and has made me insecure and sometimes when things happen I feel like it’s a repeat of my past and the person is doing something that has been done to me before. I haven’t been able to let go family death and the past and how some things have turned out. I just want to slowly let all these feelings go and finally be free.

Feel content with myself

I really hate going to see any family members or family events because I feel like I’m not good enough and I feel like everyone is judging me and see me as a failure. Because of this I avoid any type of gatherings and it really frustrates me. I hate meeting anyone because I feel like I’m too fat, too ugly, too lazy and just overall not good enough. I’m not someone who used to feel like this and it’s just hard because my life has gone downhill and I want to take control and fix it. I want to be able to walk in anywhere and feel like you know what I am good enough and feel like I have everything. 

Make my mum proud

My mum has done so much for me and things that I could never repay her in anyway. But deep down all she wants is for me to be successful and that’s more than anything I could do for her. I have seen her when I made her proud and I want to see it in her eyes once again and be proud of me.

You guys these are the things that are very close to me and I want to share it with you guys and maybe even inspire to make changes and realize what you need to do but as far as I’m concerned these are the things that I want. I love you all and i wish you luck.

TIME'S UP BOY!

So you guys know from my previous 'countdown' story what's going on. Well clearly the time has past and i haven't heard a word from you for well 10 days. I thought we had something special and i thought if i held on just a little more, just a little stronger you would realize what we could have.

But like an idiot i waited everyday thinking you would call me, text me or at least email me. But it turns out my love has been just one sided. 

Even today i woke up with a dream that you asked me to see me on skype and we were talking but like i said it was just a DREAM. It would be foolish of me to even consider waiting for you or even to waste time thinking of you so i guess it’s time to say goodbye.

I met you, i fell in love with you and now i will try to forget you. Before in my post i have mentioned that he is special to me and even now i do believe he is still special because you made me what i wanted and taught me not to give up and i will never give up on the things i want or deserve. GOODBYE 

MOVIE REVIEW- The wolf wall street

 Leonardo dicaprio could read a grocery list and make it sound like shakespears. In the past i have seen movies just for the pure reason he is in it and im afraid this was the no different. The last movie i had seen was 'The Great Gatsby' and its still one of favourite movies of all time. 

But unforunatley i can't say the same for this, not only was i disappointed the movie but i was disappointed by Leonardo. The movie is just a disaster with over the top acting, men who seem to lost their dignity and behave like monstrous apes, unnecessary sex scenes.Its nothing more than well filmed porn.

Also has anyone noticed the unmissable indistinguishable similarity with the movie 'Great Gatsby'? So much so i felt like i was watching part 2 of The Great Gatsby! 

Even the other supporting characters are not worth mentioning none of them play stronger enough characters, there are just too many characters with no background story. Okay so forget all the bad acting is the story any good? NOT EVEN! The story is not even realistic and none of the sequences has anything to back up its theory. I have a feeling that this movie is going to leave a unrealistic expectation of the job aswell as the outcomes. I don't want to bash up this movie because well my love for Leanadro has changed since this movie and i don't want to make it even worse.

Would i recommend you to watch this movie? well i wouldn't stop you from doing so. But don't go in with too much high expectations or suggest you to waste so much money. 

CAN YOU BE HAPPY FOR 100 DAYS IN A ROW?

So recently i came across this challenge and it really intrigued me. For 100 days all you have to do is to share a picture everyday of something that makes you happy that day. By doing this you learn what actually makes you happy in life as well as you hold on to things that make you happy and be thankful for what you have.

Before you say god that's just not going to happen or think negative about it, remember this is not a task that you have to be happy every single hour every single day for 100 days but you find something everyday to be happy about. Im telling you this will change you in a good way and i really want you guys to stick with this challenge and maybe even do this with your friends like i am. 

I will update you guys every single day and share a photo on instagram everyday so make sure you add me on instagram - justanothersteptohappiness. I will be starting the challenge on Monday 1st of September 2014.

To join with me on the challange go to - http://100happydays.com/

Movie review - Maleficent

Maleficent

The cast-

Ø  Maleficent- Angelina Jolie

Ø Princess Aurora- Elle Fanning

Ø Stefan- Sharlto Copley

Ø Diaval- Sam Riley

Running time – 97 minutes

The movie is supposedly about the untold story of Disney’s iconic villain. I have to say my initial thought was Disney please don’t ruin a character in attempt to make more money. The story line is pretty average with the unexpected ending and that’s what makes this movie different from the typical Disney movie and bought it a success. The movie starts with a young beautiful fairy who falls in love with a human boy and later he betrays her and steals her wings in return to be crowned as the king and this turns her into evil and to seek revenge she puts a curse on the kings daughter that she will prick her finger on the day of her 16^th birthday and fall into coma like sleep and can only be woken by the kiss from true love. That’s when the real movie starts and maleficent heart start to warm when she sees aurora growing up and tries to break the curse but of course it can’t be broken.

In all honestly the script itself isn’t all that great but the casts are the ones who bought the story in to life. Of course the leading lady being Angelina Jolie you can only expect the best. Her acting was exceptional! The way she took to the character is just amazing, I love the way they showed her character I mean she is supposed to be this evil fairy but deep inside she still has parts of what used to be her and the way they portray her you see this outer being as very dark, evil and very cold but you can still see this glimpse of something so beautiful in her eyes; there are no words to explain this and you will only understand this if you see the movie.

Elle fanning plays the young princess and it’s my first time seeing her in any movies and she is great at her role with her being so young and having the almost angel type of look she suited her character really well and she shines in few scenes.

All the other characters play very supporting role and they fit perfectly into the scene, especially the role of diaval , he plays the perfect wing man( literally).

Overall I love the characters as well the unexpected ending which is something unheard of in Disney movies and I would highly recommend everyone to watch this from kids to adults. 

THE BIG COUNTDOWN

Everyone tells me that im a fool for loving you and i am starting to realize that now but me being ever the optimistic in other people i want to give you a chance and i have to be honest this chance is not for you but more for me; for myself to prove that i wasn't a fool in love and that i haven't been so naive to think all those little things were a sign of your affection.Every time i tell them how i feel they all come up with the same response "maybe he's just not that in to you" and i never realized how much those words could hurt!. Im a big girl and i can deal with that but i just want you to prove that im not a desperate crazy girl, so you have till three days and if you don't say something then lets just say things will change.

Why did you do that to me?

I never wanted someone else to be the reason for my happiness but just like everything else it hits you when you don't expect it and you find yourself in a position that you never wanted to be in.. That's exactly what happened to me! Unlike the 100 times before i wasn't looking to fall in love or went into a situation expecting to fall in love but then it happened and you didn't make it hard for me either! In fact its never been that easy.

I want to say i wish i hadn't met you, i wish it was someone else who was at the door or wish for you to be arrogant or a characteristic that i wouldn't have fallen for but deep down i would be in the same situation in a heart beat.   

My love letter to you...

Your love is like wearing a rose tinted glass and looking at the world and seeing all the beauty. I love the way you look straight into my eyes even though its so intense i can't take it for more than few seconds that i have to look away and try not to melt my heart.I feel your hazel eyes can see through my soul and yet you can't seem to notice how i feel about you?! When you lean in so close to me and our hands touches and that moment when you move your leg and it accidentally hits my leg and i try not to react even though i can feel all these electric shocks travelling through my body!

Every time i see you i want to run my fingers through your chestnut brown hair and pull you in close to me and kiss you. Your toned arms makes me dream about the day you'll lift me up so high and slowly bring me down to kiss you gently. I want to explore the world with you and fall in love with each other and the world.  I want to make sweet love to you and give myself to you like i never have before. I love the way you walk me to my bus stop like a gentle men but i hate saying bye to you and i wish you would just hug me and never let me go.One day i want you to explore every inch of my body while every cell of my being yearns for more till i can't take it anymore. Every time you walk into the room and say hi i wish those words were just a shower of kisses. I ask the sun to slow down so i could spend more time with you.

i know the timing isn't perfect but i still want you to want me and i want me to be the person that you miss most. When will you say those three words to me? your eyes tell me things that your mouth won't.

I finally found myself...

For few years now i lost myself and i lost who i was and i didn't know who i was supposed to be or even if id belong in this world but then you came along and gave me something that i can't exactly say but it's like you gave me hope, hope for my future and hope to fall in love and for me that's enough. i don't know how you feel or how i make you feel but thanks for saving me. I always felt like best of my life has passed but it turned out i only had to do one thing to get everything back and that is to find my roots again.

Long term relationships and friendships.

 How will i feel when i no longer see your face or feel your touch against my skin? would i still be in love with you .. seems like you haven't realized how i feel about you but what will the distance between us will do? will you finally see what you havent seen or will i just be someone that you left behind.

what you gave me..

you gave me a different type of love that i never experienced before.. you see i always thought it was over if didn't work out or even start but with you your love gave me hope and made me learn to be be myself and made me realize who i am and for that i will love you..always.

MCDONALDS MADE ME FAT!!!

My diet has been fairly healthy and I always cut down all the junk food but for 2 months or so I would say I found myself going in to McDonalds way more than I have all my life and well you might say this is an excuse but every time I have to meet my “friend” we seem to meet there and well to be honest its never because im hungry or anything but more so it’s the only comfortable place around town to catch up with people I mean yes there are plenty of benches and cafes around but coffee shops are always overpriced and stupidly I rather spend £6 on a meal than to spend £3 for a coffee. But of course in terms of health wise the meal is doing more bad to me than the overpriced coffee. So along these months I actually started eating less and when I say less I mean less. I used to eat like a man who’s having a feast every single meal but now I take in more fruits and vegetables but then I noticed that I was actually gaining a lot of weight and actually gained over 5kg just by eating McDonalds so from now on im going to stop eating from there as hard as it might be I can’t carry on like this. It’s quite shocking how easy they make it to consume bad food! I mean a healthy meal could cost you way more than junk. Im not surprised so many people are overweight and unhealthy.

CHEAP MAKE-UP BRUSHES

The brushes- now since they are synthetic its actually harder for power products to stick but for its prize I would say it works pretty well but I don’t have any decent brushes to compare them to so obviously you get what you pay for. But it seems to blend the sleek blush wonderfully and it works well for both natural look as well as heavy on the blush look too. It’s extremely soft but the bristles aren’t sturdy at all unlike my stippling brush by Samantha chapman which the bristles are very sturdy but this is densely packed. The package seems quite sturdy and looks very classy with gold detail and black handle. I wish the set came with an eyeliner brush but it didn’t so that’s quite disappointing. Most brushes are for face and I’m finding it quite useful since all I have is a foundation brush. The eye shadow brushes are good and they seem to blend well but once again I find them to be too big but it’s manageable.  

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00KIFBO20/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Let me tell you a story - Being lonely in a world with million people…

Imagine a young girl who was bright and her future was almost planned out and with everyone thinking she’ll achieve greatness. She wasn’t from the richest of family infact her biggest worry was not having a dad not because  she wanted a dad but she hated the feeling of being treated in a different way all because she didn’t have a dad because to her there was only one person she needed in life and that was her grandmother , to her she was the mother who was strict if she didn’t work hard enough but she was also the one told me that I could achieve greatness and she believed in her and she understood all her feelings and was the only person who was on the same page as her. You see growing up her mother was only seen as her sister because she married too young and was still growing up. For some reason she was always too naïve and trusted everyone so when the girl was growing up she soon realized it was her duty to look after her mother because of what her dad did to her in her eyes all men were creatures that you had to avoid and she saw her mum as a easy victim and she had to look after her so instead of being a child she had to grow up too quickly to her falling in love was the worst thing you could do. She was always pushed to work hard by her grandmother and her mother supported her and took her to every tuition class but there was always a gap between her mum and her and it seemed her mother never realized it. When she looks back now she was given love and affection without having to ask for it but now she doesn’t have anyone around that she could ask for.

 Then this devil of a man came into her world one day when she got back from school she saw the ugliest cycle she has ever seen on the poach and she had a gut feeling that whoever was in the house right now is a bad person and she knew something is going to change and few days later he would become her step farther and the world around her started to crumble. He was never sweet or generous like anyone from her family but he was always putting money to the front and even from the start he made her feel unwanted. On the first day they stayed at a house with what was her new family and the first he did was make her sleep in a closed tent while her mum and he slept outside , if you ever known the feeling of being suffocated that how it felt like but did she realize that was just a taster for the rest of her life and she suffers from claustrophobia and cant even sleep in  room.

He was from another country and they had to move away from the one person she loved most in the world and from a small family she wished so long she wouldn’t have to she had the feelings in her gut this would be the end of her happiness, but she wanted her mum to be happy since she married at 19 and divorced by 23 she wanted a man to look after her and she wanted her to be happy and didn’t want  to hold her back since all her life she was told it the was the girls fault that her father had left since according to her birth sign she’s not meant to have a father. She grew up knowing she was the reason for her mums sadness and this was the only chance. As soon as they arrived to his country there was never a day without drama and he picked on her for every little thing. She wanted help for her to be the smart girl that she was used to but in a another environment she had to teach herself to learn English and no one ever believed in her and the only person who always did she left behind and as days, weeks moths years passed her grandmother grew older and she couldn’t burden her with the pain so she pretended everything was okay and that they were happy but there wasn’t a day where he picked on her he would say anything and always told her she was worthless and when she grows up and married someone he would use her for sex and leave her because she wasn’t worth anything,, she wasn’t used to being treated like this then her mum became pregnant and they couldn’t get away from him then came a time where he would be nice to her if she took his side and stood against mum and so she did she thought if she made him happy then they won’t end up divorcing her mum and could be happy. Then one night as she laid between her mum and him he put his penis in her hand and made her hold it and as her mum left to the toilet he would put his fingers inside her panties and finger her with his rough fat fingers; you see she has been sexually abused in the past before by cousin and she never told anyone because at that age she thought it was her fault he was doing this and she was to blame and she felt dirty and thought maybe she’s one of those whore that liked these kind of feelings and didn’t want to tell anyone and be looked at by people as the victim . in her eyes they were only doing this because she didn’t have a father figure in her life to stand up for her so she was an easy victim . this guy who sexually abused her was supposed to be the father that she yearned for but instead she got him. She never focused on studies and wasted time on things that would make her happy temporarily so she can forget the pain and ended up getting just average grades in school and she couldn’t get into the course in college that she wanted to, ever since she was younger she wanted to be a doctor and so she wasted two years not doing well in college and ended up not going into university.

You see as soon as she turned 18 he told her she had to leave the house , yeah he look her away from everything she had then abandoned her. For years he been telling her he would physically kick her out. The last ever conversation she had with him was when he told her he would grab her by the hair on to the street and beat her with a brick, do  you know how 18 year old girls heart would be if someone who was supposed to look after her said that. So she decided to get help from the college she went to and get help and moved into a housing projects for homeless youths then she started into another college hoping to do well and change her life around. But do you know how hard it is to live by yourself and cook, look after yourself at that age with no help and on top of all this she had to pretend to her grandma she was still at home happy and to her mother she had t portray an independent girl who got out and was now happy do you know how much it breaks your heart? Do you have any idea at all? Now she started to loose herself and turned into something she despised and now she wishes her mum would understand when shes quite with a blank look on her face rather than say she was being moody. She wished for her mum to understand her the way grandma did but she wasn’t grandma and it seems like she still hasn’t finished growing up and her daughter is almost giving up on life.  The girl hopes to find something that would make her happy even if its temporary while she recover her lost life but it seems like god not on her side and I hope she waits a little bit longer and doesn’t give up.

What would you want this girl to do now?  Should she just not see her mum and cope on her own ?

Eating with a chopstick

I don’t know how or why I wanted to start eating with a chopstick, but I think me being obsessed with Korean movies play a factor in this and I know that it’s very practical too I mean you can use a chopstick for pretty much anything. So as my first try on eating with them was quite successful and to be honest I don’t think you can learn how to use them and it pretty much just being comfortable while using them. I got mine from amazon and here’s the link. Im not connected with this seller but it was the cheapest one I found and it came from china and I received my item within 7 days which was reasonable as it came from china. I highly recommend the seller. They were very affordable and there are 5 pairs so the whole family can use it and I would say it’s made out of plastic but not the same kind as like a bottle but more sturdy. It won’t break for sure trust me I tested J it’s very easy to handle and its embroided with gold details and it looks very classy and traditional.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00EE1U9G6/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

First ever MAC products!!!

Where I live there isn’t a mac store and the closest one is an hour drive and even when you get there just like every other mac stores its overcrowded and the staffs pretty much ignores everyone and pretend they are busy saving the world. So it was last Tuesday night I ordered two things online just wanting to try out their products. I purchased the ‘matte lipstick in SO CHAUD’ and fluid line eye-liner gel in BLACK TRACK.

So let’s start off with delivery service- I placed an order on Tuesday night and I received it Friday morning which was very impressive and not only that I was worried about not being happy with the products and not being able to return it. But it comes with a free return stamp sort of thing and the envelope bag it came in was resalable so if you were to return it just stick the return sticker reseal and you’re sorted.

The product itself - So like I mentioned I have never had experience with mac products but I was actually impressed. But the thing is on the website the colour of the lipstick seemed like a brownish nude and I wanted a lipstick that I could wear everyday bases and one that would be close to my natural lip colour. I had even done research on YouTube and everyone described the colour as a nude but when I opened it I was surprised to finding it orange. I would say it’s like a deep orange and has tint of red. When I tried it on it first I wasn’t sure but later I found that it compliments my yellow undertones very well. So if you have olive skin tone or yellowish skin tone this would look really great. I heard from other youtubers that the lipstick was quite drying and I agree it really extenuate chapped lips so when I use it I put towel under the hot water and then gently rub it on my lips in a circular motion then apply lip balm and then after removing the excess I would apply the lipstick. The longevity is good I suppose since it doesn’t claim to be long lasting you can’t complain but it does come off when you eat or drink coffee.

As for the black eyeliner I was quite surprised by its texture since the only gel eyeliner I have used before this was Maybelline which feels quite thick and heavy but this feels so soft and very creamy and gives a really good dark colour and you don’t get the heavy feeling at all. It applies quite smoothly.  Only negative thing is for the price you are paying I would’ve expected to come with a brush but it didn’t so you had to buy one.

Cheaper alternative- Maybelline, but take in mind what I said about the texture and it also dries off and then becomes hard to apply but the brush it comes with is very good. But take in mind its £10 so u might as well bite the bullet and get the mac product.

If you guys like my makeup reviews then do let me know and tell me what you want me to test out next.

How to get a "super brain"...

So my most searched question on google is “how can you improve your brain function” and normally I just get the super foods and exercising and all those that I know will probably work but not enough of a excitement for me to do and as for the exercising I keep wanting to start it but never seem to be getting around to it. But today I hit the jackpot and I came a webite called the www.thefeelgoodlifestyle.com which was written by phil. Drolet and I was drawn to the title on becoming superhuman.,… I thought heck yes! As long as it doesn’t involve some crazy stunts. As I continued to read this he starts talking about 16 hour fasting- I don’t want to copy what he talks about so im just going to link his page. But its basically when you don’t eat for 16 hours continually and eat at the end of it then continue the cycle. Thankfully you are allowed to consume liquid and the 16 hours can be also included when you are sleeping although sleeping for 16hours is just ridiculous. Some of my friends who fast quite similarity (for religious reasons) and I noticed how clear their skin gets as well as increased energy level and more productivity but as much as I wanted this in the past I couldn’t say no to food. But like I said in the past blogs I want to continue to improve myself so I’m going to give this a go and guess what im going to write everything I go through here and well and I’m going to follow phil who i forgot to say is very handsome and looks good enough to be a superman; well why don’t we all join in this journey and get a step closer to becoming the best version of ourselves.

So my last meal is going to be at 9pm so 16 hours from that is at 3 so I can eat then ,

I think for me it would work best if I ate a large meal when I finish the 16 hours then another one at night few hours before I go to bed. Its my first time trying something like this so hopefully it will work out.

So main things I’m looking forward to is things like –

1. Energy level increasing 
2. Weight loss
3. Increase Productivity
4.  Mental clarity

So this is my thought on our eating habit till today I always thought the whole 1500 calories a day and 5 short meals a day was the perfect way to be in a healthy lifestyle. But now the more I think about it and more articles and blogs we read we have been brainwashed by this lifestyle that’s actually like a caged animal that need to eat in a much timetabled manner. If you think about it the whole calorie controlled life style is just nonsense I mean people in different countries have different eating habit and eat less than us and yet seem to be healthier than us. I think we are too preoccupied by the things like having 5fruits a day, and to have 1500 calories and brain washed by all these juicing ideas. We are not caged animals that need to eat like a being with no common sense in fact I think we are over eating and eating too regularly. 

Love life- so this is an update for you guys so few days ago I wrote about that guy in library and my crazy ass emotions and everything ( if you haven’t read I already read it then come back to this) well I had already mentioned my bad luck with love and well this just seem to be another story to the list. So I gave him two chances to show if does like me or not and well he hasn’t done anything…. So that’s the end of that. Sigh I wish guys came with a instruction manual I never understand them!!

Infidelity does not come from lack of love it comes from lack of RESPECT

Is it wrong for a woman to cheat when she doesn’t get any attention from her husband. Marriage is for better or for worse I get that but woman needs attention, and appreciation from the guys in our life and most importantly we need to be reassured about our looks and maybe it is vain but if the one you marry doesn’t realize how great you are and forgets your qualities then is he worthy of having you. So if another man comes and shows appreciation for all these things should she turn it down and be loyal but be sad and not be fulfilled of her desires or should she go for the man who appreciated her and makes her feel like a woman again. If it’s a duty for a woman to be loyal then it’s the man’s duty to appreciate her and show her she is loved and appreciated.

I think my love or is still quite childish I mean I rather spend a day watching cartoons, animations than to go cinema and when I like someone I never think about intimate stuff you know I just want someone to hold hands and place cute little kisses on the cheek and to watch tv and forcing them to eat weird and wonderful things. I think I’m still quite childish and maybe it’s because I never had these things (well maybe that’s a lie ok I’ll rephrase it) I never had it with someone that I actually liked; it’s always just for the sake of it. Sometimes I just like the feeling of liking someone you know when you just randomly smiling for no reason and then realize it’s because you’re thinking about that someone special or when you hear a story or someone’s telling you something and it reminds you of him or just the excitement your heart feels. Well sometimes that feeling is good enough. I hope you understand what I mean.

 I wish people were like Facebook relationship status and would walk around with tags saying with a partner or not then it would be so much easier. I don’t know if he is single and well by the way he reacted to me it would seem like not but then again you can never be sure of guys right!!.

What's your fantasy....

I have a question to ask you what is your fantasy (not that kind) but like how you would like to meet a guy.  Well I’ll tell you mine first and you tell me yours.

I want to have the setting as a library and I want to be reading or looking for books and I want him to see me through the book shelves and between the books and I want him to slowly come to me and maybe comment about a book and recommend a book to me that I should which should be about love or a cute title and I’ll say ok I’ll read it and when I do I want to find a note in there with a comment or something and I write back on the sheet… and he leave me a title of the book I should read and with everyone there is a note and after a while I finally meet him and well the rest should be …… I know I watch too much romantic movies but come on wouldn’t that just be perfect. I know relationships love isn’t perfect but it would go lot further if the start was set out more perfect.

So now tell me what’s your fantasy and if it has already happened…..or are you still looking